My Life With A Toddler

Had you asked me before I was a mom, "is a 13 month old a toddler?" I would have laughed at you for asking such a silly question. Of course not. A 13 month old is a precious, innocent, cuddly, sweet little baby still, right? WRONG! A 13 month old is as toddler as toddler could possibly get.

My sweet baby now has a fairly permanent nickname of stinker. I'm pretty sure if you were around us and said, "hey stinker" he would respond just like he does to his given name. So, what are my little guy's favorite toddler antics at 13 months old?

#1) Back talking. I kid you not. It may not be decipherable words to the common human but I KNOW he is back talking. The "no" is very clearly understandable. Beyond that it's all about the tone of voice (eek, I sound like my mother) and the ATTITUDE! When I tell him not to do something he looks me straight in the eye and in a not so nice voice back talks for a good 20-30 seconds without taking a breath. I was explaining this one night to my parents at dinner. Elias wasn't eating. I told him to eat his food. And right on cue the back talking began. Papi laughed. Mimi said no laughing. Then I tapped on his high chair and said, "take a bite." So he stared me straight in the eye and tapped on the high chair....mocking me! Mimi couldn't stifle the laugh on that one.

#2) General Mischievousness. Let me tell you a story about a naughty little boy! We were taking a shower (as we usually do together) but had to actually be out the door in 25 minutes. No biggie. As I'm shampooing my hair I realize the water isn't draining. I look down to see this culprit
Yep, that's a purple plastic easter egg which my son threw into the bathtub, pulled in half, and then shoved into the drain. It wouldn't budge. So I ignore it and finish bathing us both. I get out and dry off. I get Elias out and dry him off. I put him in a clean, dry diaper. I then decide the bathwater is really nasty. So I ran the 5 feet to our kitchen (yes, our condo really is that small), grab a steak knife, and head back to the bathroom. Now, I've been a Mom long enough to know you don't leave a child unattended in a bathroom alone when there is a couple feet of water in the tub...so I literally ran - it took me all of 4 seconds. Yes, I ran with a steak knife. When I enter the bathroom here is what I see

I'm thinking, seriously??? He got into the bath by himself and was already playing. In 4 seconds. He loves his baths...can you tell?

"What Mom? I didn't do it! Now since you already called me naughty doesn't that make it okay to be even naughtier and stand up in the bath, which I know is a no no?"

"Hi Mom, I love you! Are you really going to call me a 'stinker' and 'naughty' when I smile like this?"

So I pry the easter egg out of the drain with a steak knife. Then I decide instead of a fight I'll just use my brain and outsmart him. Sometimes I can still manage that. So I start brushing my teeth. Quite possibly the only thing he loves more than water. Soon he is asking to be aut (out) and teess (teeth). Got him right where I want him!

Out he comes. I dry him off and put on post bath diaper #2. In the 4 seconds it takes me to put toothpaste on his toothbrush he manages to play with the toilet plunger AND start unrolling the toilet paper. I grabbed the toilet paper from him and since he is so strong he managed to hold on to a good size chunk. He then started ripping it into minuscule pieces as I frantically tried to pry it out of his hands. My kid can do a lot of damage in 4 seconds.

Amazingly we got out the door on time. No, my hair was not done but who cares? I have a toddler.