Faith

45 days ago I had just enough faith to write this verse on our paper link representing December 31st, our court date.

Our court case is over. The verdict has been made. We both did sleep, although not peacefully. Thank you all for your prayers. We truly felt your support and until late last night when we both became restless and antsy, we spent the majority of our day in peace and confidence. Now we WAIT. Definitely the appropriate four letter word for adoption.

We remain hopeful and confident; actively surrendering each moment as we wait upon Him in faith; trusting in His unfailing love, compassion, and mercy; God's will be done.

36 Hours

36 hours until it is 8am on the 31st in Addis Ababa, the day our case will be at the Ethiopian federal courts.

Please keep us in your prayers over the next week. In 36-44 hours our file will be in the hands of a judge who will decide if everything is in order for Elias to legally become a Gossett. We ask that you pray everything is in line for this to happen. We are very ready to meet Elias and have him be a permanent part of our family. We will be praying BOLDLY the next couple of days and ask all you who have journeyed along with us this past year to do the same.

We ask specifically that you take a moment and cover our family in prayer at 9pm PST on December 30th (8am on the 31st in Addis).

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

5 Months Old, 3+ Months Waiting

Elias is 5 months old today. We have been waiting over 3 months since our referral call and we are 9 LONG days away from court. Here are 5 things we love about Elias:

1) How good you look in blue (every picture we have EVER seen you are wearing blue!).
2) Your saucer like eyes in every picture. We heard this was because you are scared of the camera flash.
3) Although we have yet to experience this, we hear you are a JOY and a DELIGHT and we love that about you!
4) Your curiosity. Your Dad is so excited about showing you everything and was thrilled to hear you are curious!
5) Your ability to bring so many people together in excitement and anticipation! You have us all on the edge of our seats (and minds) waiting to FINALLY meet you!!

Due to the time difference between Ethiopia and the U.S. we know our court appointment will be sometime between 9pm PST on December 30th and 7am PST on December 31st. Although this will be our first (and hopefully only) court appointment, due to the earlier paperwork mishap that lastest for a couple months we are on a similar timeline to some families who are already on their third court appointment (we are thinking of you Shannon). That's not to say we deserve to pass any more than anyone else...just to say that this has drug on far longer than we anticipated. If we pass on the 31st and if we travel before mid-February the timing will be perfect for us to continue pursuing our current understanding of God's calling for our family of 3!

There are a lot of big "what-ifs" in our lives right now and we are curious and excited to see how God directs. More than anything we are VERY READY to be united with our baby boy forever.

Please join us in praying for:
1) a successful court date the first time around (OUR GOD CAN DO IT!!!)
2) peace for Elias' birthmother who will need to appear at court
3) peace as we wait until the week of January 5th to hear the verdict
4) continued clear direction for the near future

We ask specifically that you take a moment and cover our family in prayer at 9pm PST on December 30th (8am on the 31st in Addis).

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus... God will make this happen for he who calls you is faithful."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, 24

Our Story (Part 2)

If you missed Part 1, click here. Fast forward to Spring 2003. After only one semester at University of the Pacific in Stockton I moved home. During this period of lots of floundering I had finally made plans. I was going to Azusa Pacific University in the fall. I was living with my grandma and working on mending a tattered relationship with my parents. This started by having dinners with the family and eventually turned into them building on a bedroom so I could move back in.

During one of these family dinners I walked in the door and who do I see standing in the kitchen? Brian. I was shocked. All I could think about was my Mom was in big trouble for not warning me. My hair was pulled up and I was wearing scrubby clothes. Ugh. My shock and train of thought must have lasted an awkwardly long period of time because I was interrupted with my Dad saying, "Autumn, say 'Hello, Brian.'" Oops. "Hi Brian." We chatted for a while and I told him about my plans to go to APU which Brian combated in a slew of reasons why I should instead consider Point Loma. Anyway, turns out Brian was there to discuss a job offer my Dad had made him of being the youth pastor at the church and living in Alpine.

A couple days later I just had my hair done and was all dressed up for a date with a guy from high school. He bailed. So I went inappropriately dressed up to my brother's little league game with my grandma. Who is there? Brian. At least I looked good this time. We sat and talked. My grandma teased me like crazy about how she sat at just the right spot so I would have to sit by Brian but she could also have a bird's eye view. We chatted about how nice Brian was and how whoever ended up with him would be really lucky.

Brian took the job at the church and now I was going to see him at least once a week. One day I was hanging out with my brothers and they told me Brian had invited them to go to the snow (30 minute drive) and he said I could come too. They proceeded to tell me that they didn't really feel like it and were probably just going to stay home and play video games. Excuse me?? I think not. By this time I had a pretty full blown crush and I shamelessly begged and bribed my brothers to PLEASE hang out with Brian. Begged. Pathetically. They had compassion on their pathetic sister and called Brian and acted like they wanted to go and told him Autumn would be tagging along too. We all had a fun time. We dropped them off at home and Brian took me down the street to some family friends who I was house sitting for. He asked if he could come in and change into some dry clothes. I said of course but was wondering why after a 30 minute drive in wet clothes he couldn't make it the 1/4 mile back to his house. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He said, "actually I need to go rearrange my furniture." Unbelievable. You have got to be kidding me. I sat down on the couch, MAD, and started watching my movie before he left. I figured he didn't even deserve me saying good bye with a STUPID turn down like that. About 15 minutes into the movie Brian was still standing behind the couch watching the movie. 30 minutes into it he sits down on the other couch. Now I am really confused and thinking maybe he is interested. We didn't say a word to one another. Geesh this guy is hard to read. At the end of the lamest movie ever (SwimFan) Brian asked me where to buy some flowers because it was his Mom's birthday and he was running late for a family dinner. YES! Now I was sure he was interested!

A couple days later I dropped the siblings off at youth group. Brian asked if I wanted to stay. I said "no." I went home and rehashed everything to Jennifer (a family friend...whose house I was staying at while my room was being built). I told her how much I liked him. She yelled at me for not staying and told me I HAD to go back to the church. So, I went back. And sat through youth group just to be around Brian. The most unbelievable part was there was another girl from the church who was even 2 years older than me doing the SAME THING. Haha, she didn't stand a chance. I wanted to invite Brian over after. I chickened out. I begged (again) one of my brothers to invite him over to watch The Bachelor. I don't remember who caved but one of them did. Brian came over and sat through The Bachelor with my family. Poor guy. I walked him out to his car to say good night. It was freezing cold outside and I didn't have a jacket. We must have said good night about 10 times but 4 hours later we were still standing outside. We talked about going back into the house. We talked about sitting in the car where it was warm. We talked about going to his house. Each time though we were afraid any sudden movement would end the moment and we would really have to say good night. Somewhere in the ballpark of 2 or 3 am I snuck into Jennifer's house to turn in for the night. I was probably mildly hypothermic from 5 hours in the freezing cold but it was all worth it.

The next day we went to my sister's waterpolo game. Brian was there and our first picture was taken, not so secretly. I was hoping he would ask me out that night but he had committed to going to a lecture with his friend Dave. Late that night I got a phone call from Brian asking me out to coffee. That night. It was already 10pm. I was housesitting for my aunt now so me sans curfew was all for it. I don't know how we had anything left to say to one another but we ended up talking for another 3 or 4 hours at Le Stats.

2 days later we went to a music festival. Brian then took me to Coronado where we walked on the beach. The wind was really blowing so I was holding my hair back from my face. Brian still argues that was me "begging" for a first kiss. Not even. But I didn't mind. We then had our first dinner date where I actually ate orange duck. I was definitely still in the "trying to impress" stage. After that we saw each other every single day and talked constantly. We were inseparable and couldn't be happier.

I didn't want to be making huge decisions about my future because of "a guy" but that is exactly what I did. No one ever spoke of Azusa again (at least until my sister went there). We all just kind of knew that now I was staying put. I never consciously made the decision to not go... I just never sent in the first payment and ignored all other letters I received.

The first time I met his extended family was at his brother Kevin's college graduation party. This was also the first time Brian referred to me as his girlfriend. We never had a defining the relationship moment so I was shocked but thrilled.

June 11, 2003 (my 19th birthday)

After 3 months we were "in love."

Summer 2003 youth group event to Magic Mountain.After 6 months we were talking scenarios of marriage and children.August 2003 beach camping trip with the youth group. Almost exactly 1 year before we would be married.We took Arabic together for a semester and this was a dinner date when we went to eat Arabic food.

After 9 months, on December 21st 2003 we were engaged. Brian proposed on the beach at Coronado very close to the place we had our first kiss.

Kevin and Lori dressed up as old people so they could capture the moment without me noticing.Our engagement was followed by a surprise (for me) engagement party. My parents were on a cruise and my Mom still holds a grudge against Brian for not waiting 1 day so they could be there too.

9 months later on August 14, 2004 Brian and I were married on Coronado.

Now four and a half years and lots of memories later, we are taking our life together to the next level...and we couldn't be happier! I love you, Brian.

News About Elias

I lied. Not on purpose though. I know I said Our Story Part 2 was next but it isn't. My friends just got back from Ethiopia with their babies and here is what they had to say:

From Liam's Mommy!
I saw your boy! Your son smiles EASILY and is very happy. He is so handsome and filling out. Your little man is very happy and beautiful. I got to spend about 15 minutes with Elias one day and about 15 minutes over the next few days. He is very easily entertained and very alert. He loves attention but not in a high maintenance way. Every single time I saw him he was happy as a lark. Kicking, smiling so sweetly. Entertaining himself. I told him (in a very confidential whisper :) that his Momma was coming and he gave me a huge smile. I kid you not. We had a very special time with him. He and Liam even held hands for a little while (in a very culturally appropriate way :). He seems really curious and wanting to asses every situation. All you have to do is smile at your little man and he gives one back very generously in return. Autumn he is a delight!

*I am so glad that Bethany said Liam and Elias are friends because we decided a long time ago that they were going to be BFFs... I guess if they are meant to be BFFs they should probably like each other.

From Sitina's Mommy!
Autumn--your little guy has his photo album in his crib. So adorable. He is perfect by the way. Well loved and exceptionally taken care of. :) He is a great kiddo. I held him a few times and played with him and put him down for a nap. He weighs less than Sitina who is 16 lbs and 9 oz. But not much less. He is round (great belly) and serious and very healthy looking with a smile when he gets attention. He is just a fab little guy. He is a joy Autumn :)

I am so blessed to have friends who made an effort to spend time with Elias and report back. Brian and I were so thrilled to hear that he is happy and healthy! With the exception of legally being his parents, healthy and happy is all we can hope for! It was also fun to hear about his forming personality. Serious, but smiles easily with the slightest bit of attention. Sounds like a good combo of Mom and Dad. We always gets a kick out of hearing about how "round" he is. Brian has a round face and so we always expected our children to be round; it is so funny that Elias fits that expectation.

Tis The Season

I know it is already December 17th (YEAH!!!) but I just put up Christmas decorations last night.

I got a wonderful present in the mail but had to wait until I did my decorating before I could share pictures. Look at these stockings! Aren't they GREAT? Thank you Aunt Cindy...we love them! I know it's not the same as a fireplace but it's the best I have.Are any of you thinking (like me) that we have space for another stocking on the "L?" If you are, talk to Brian. I tried to talk him into going straight from 0-2. I gave up after about 6 months. After more recently begging him to let us start another adoption asap I finally gave up on that one too and told him I would let him decide when it's time for #2... the latest I heard was he wanted to start trying for a homemade baby about this time next year, so we might have 2 years with an empty "L." Hmmm... we'll see if I can wait that long.

Things have been really busy around here. It's good that time is flying. Unfortunately no matter what degree of busy we are, it isn't enough to distract from the fact that we miss our baby boy. Brian and I often talk about how wierd it is that we actually feel the void of our son not being with us when in fact we have never experienced his presence. It's really an odd feeling to have such a deep love for someone you have never met. Even stranger is the fact that we miss him so much but have no idea what it is like to have him around. So, I guess you will just have to trust us on this one. We miss him and love him and it actually hurts to be separated.

Congratulations to Amy, Dominique, and Andrea on your travel dates...January 10th will be here before you know it!!

Our Story Part 2 will be next...I just have to gently take apart my scrapbook and find a scanner, but it will happen.

B-U-S-T

So our fundraiser was a BUST! We arrived at 7:45 and our first customer did not come around until after 11am. We then had about 6 people from 11 until 1:30pm and racked in a whopping $26 in those 6 hours. It was freezing cold for us Southern Californians (50s) and it was misting outside. What this added up to was few shoppers and even fewer who wanted to wait outside in the almost rain for their presents to be wrapped. So, after the Starbucks and breakfast burritos it took to keep us there that long we made a profit of $6.

Thanks for all of you who donated wrapping paper. Looks like I won't have to buy any this year. Thanks to both Moms and Lori for helping us out manning the booth. It's the thought that counts.

We are down to 15 days until our court hearing. Please keep us in your prayers as we feel our chances of passing the first time around are probably 50/50. Although we are still a few weeks away from a public announcement, we are still pursuing PLAN B and at this point we are financially invested. In order for PLAN B to continue to work out we need a MIRACLE! We need to pass court on the 31st and travel no later than the beginning of February. Please join us in praying for God's perfect plan to succeed as we have faith that these mountains are not beyond HIM!

Barely Hanging On

This is how I feel. Barely hanging on. I need this to be over soon. 20 days until court. PLEASE pray we pass on the 31st!

"The Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" Isaiah 30:18 (thank you, Nell Ann)

Bummed!

After a morning of pins and needles we heard the news we were hoping and praying we wouldn't hear. The orignial of the needed document did not arrive in time for the court date and the judge did not accept the faxed copy. My parent's have a rescheduled court date of late January in which the judge needs to see the original document. Estimated travel is now late February. We are all bummed for a number of reasons. First of all we want the boys here! Secondly, my parents were really hoping to see Emily shortly after Christmas. It's hard to tell if she is getting homesick, but we certainly all do miss her and the holidays will be difficult.

Brian and I are trucking along in our wait. We are approaching 3 months since our referral. I used to think counting the numbers waiting to see a face was the hardest part. Not any more. When we got our referral of Elias I felt such relief - like everything we had been waiting for had finally come. That cloud 9 feeling lasted for about a month. Now each day just gets more and more difficult. I struggle with feelings of jealousy and self-pity. I find myself comparing our timeline to that of others. I question, why us? Why did the referrals stop in the summer leaving us right at the top? Why did we have to sit at the emotionally draining #1 spot for so long? Why did tons of referrals happen right after we got ours (meaning we waited way longer than the people who got referrals days after us)? Why did the paperwork issue which put us 2 months "behind" and "sometimes just happens," happen to us? Why does no one else in our agency have a court date as late as ours? Why? Why? Why?

When I spend time in the "why me" place I feel beat up. Each blog I read or court date I see feels like a slap in the face. I have found I really hate the self-pitying, jealous version of myself (so no need to lecture me...really). I feel guilty feeling this way when I think of others who have had more trying circumstances within their adoption, like Shannon, or a longer wait from referral to travel, like Leann. My blog is an outlet and a place of reflection, unfortunately, sometimes the reflection shows an ugly heart full of jealousy and anger. One thing I have not learned is patience. You may hear me say "all in God's timing." I believe that. I believe that God has the perfect reason and answers to all of my "why" questions. I am not patient though. My little boy is in Ethiopia. He's getting bigger without me, being loved on by people other than me, learning to get by without me. Truth is, I am waiting because I have no other choice NOT because I am a wonderfully mature Christian who truly desires nothing more than God's perfect timing. I do want God's perfect timing. In my selfish desire to have my son with me, I also wish God did things my way in my time.

We don't always get answers to our "why" questions. Sometimes though God gives us answers even though he doesn't owe them to us. Throughout this adoption I have already had the priviledge of having some of my "whys" answered. When we started the process I prayed very specifically for a referral by my birthday (June 11th), court by Brian's birthday (July 29th) and travel by our anniversary (August 14th). For the first 5 months that timeline seemed perfectly reasonable. When my birthday, then Brian's birthday, then our anniversary passed and still no referral I wondered why. When we got that call on September 15th, God answered my question even though my lack of faith did not deserve an answer. Elias was born on July 22nd and I am the one God has chosen to be his Mom. Although I don't know if I will ever see the rest of the divine plan in our timeline, I am confident there is one. Faith - being confident of something you cannot see. I've sort of coined a little motto. My personal adoption motto so to speak. It isn't the wisest thing you have ever heard but it is my way of combating the jealousy and frustration while allowing myself to validate my feelings yet remain hopeful and confident. Life isn't fair but God is sovereign.

Although we can't see God's reason for my parents not passing court we remain confident that God is sovereign and His perfect plan will succeed. Although we don't know why our adoption has panned out step by step as it has, we remain confident that God is sovereign and His perfect plan will succeed. 11 months! We are ready Lord! Right now, faith is all we have.

December 9th

Please keep our family in your prayers on December 9th. My parent's court date is quickly approaching. After being assured everything was in order, they were told today that there is one additional document needed from the region my (soon-to-be) brothers are from that still has yet to arrive. Please pray that the needed document will be there in time for the Tuesday appointment. We are very much looking forward to seeing these smiling eyes in person...
For now, my sister is having a wonderful time getting to know the latest additions to the family! At least we know they are in good hands. :)

TOMS

Our Story (Part 1)

Once upon a time there was a family of 7 moving from Hood River, OR to San Diego, CA. This happened to be my family. My Dad took a position as the family ministries pastor at the church Brian grew up in. Here we are on our first Sunday in El Cajon. (My brother Jake is still the one with the funny faces in the family pictures...I guess some things never change).I am the gorgeous one in the ankle length wild print green skirt with the fabulous hair cut. Yikes. This would have been the first or second time Brian saw me. We don't exactly remember "meeting." We happened to move a few days after my 8th grade graduation and a few short days before my 14th birthday. Meanwhile this hottness had just finished his first year in college at Point Loma Nazarene. Brian helped my Dad as an intern for the Junior High youth group. When we first moved I begged my Dad to please let me go right into the High School youth group. He did. In hindsight this was a very critical decision as we only narrowly escaped Brian technically being my youth leader. Whew! That would have been awkward.

Brian and I knew each other from my freshman to junior years in High School. We saw each other at church and youth group but really that was the extent of our relationship. Brian always had girlfriends and definitely wasn't about to be interested in someone roughly the same age as his younger sister. I always thought he was so OLD. I mean he was so old he actually considered my dad his friend. I like to give him a hard time now about not being madly in love with me from the beginning. His response, "You've seen the pictures." OUCH! Actually we do both think it is best that the 19 year old church intern didn't have the hots for a 14 year old.

This is how I remember Brian back then. Cute but way too old for crush consideration. We were around each other at youth group events (like summer camp) but the memories of our interactions are few and far between. Brian swears one time I drove in his car home from Forrest Home. He remembers this because of how car sick I got. Lovely, right? I have no recollection of this event, but probably true knowing how well I do on mountain roads. Then, I remember one of the beach days we went to. I drove back with Brian and actually somehow got to sit in the front seat (he doesn't remember). We chatted the whole way from the beach to the church. Dumb conversation really about him preferring to drive barefoot rather than in flip flops yet somehow he made such an impression that he made it into my journal that night. Yep, that was the first time I recognized how nice Brian was and wrote all about him and his "niceness."

Here's Brian at my 16th birthday party. Don't give him too much of a hard time about the outfit. It was a luau themed event.

The next memory that sticks out about Brian is when he was part of plan that involved me sneaking into my first rated R movie. I don't know if it was Lori's first time sneaking into a R movie or not but we were definitely both not 17. We went to see Billy Elliott. On the drive home Kevin gave me the synopsis of another movie currently out in theaters which would not include my need illegally sneak in. We had the perfect story just in case my parents asked about what movie we saw. I'm too old to get in trouble right, Mom?

Brian moved to Washington DC to do a semester exchange at American University. Apparently there was a whole going away event for him. I would have been there but don't recall any of it. The only memory of him I have during that time was a conversation I had with his brother. Kevin and I were talking after church and he was asking me what I was interested in studying in college. I told him I really wanted to study International Relations and maybe one day work in embassies all over the world. Kevin told me that was what Brian was interested in and the kind of stuff he was doing in DC. That was the first time I realized maybe I had a crush on the wrong Gossett brother (hahaha, sorry Kev).

After 3 years my family moved again. This time we moved about 20 minutes away to a small town where my Dad became the senior pastor. In December of my senior year in high school my best friend and I ran into Brian and Kevin. We ended up grabbing Mexican food with them. I thought Brian was so cute and was surprised that he actually seemed to be somewhat interested in our conversation. I thought maybe after I got my braces off I would look older - maybe even old enough... :) Oh the braces.

My senior year continued on without Brian. He tells me now that he was interested enough that he wanted to run into me again. There was a birthday party that I was supposed to go to. At the last minute it ended up not working out. Brian had heard I was going to be there and was secretly really excited to see me. He was bummed when I didn't come (had I known he was going to be there things might have been different, maybe not, we'll never know). Boy would he have been surprised at the Autumn minus braces and a bad hair cut. It was probably best though because I was on my way off to college.

To be continued...

A Smile From Now Til Christmas

Today I went to the phone store to get mine fixed. I saw an old guy sitting down with a bunch of empty chairs next to him. Although I normally would have given myself a good 3 to 4 seat barrier (no need for uncomfortable interaction with strangers) for some reason I decided to sit right next to him despite the long row of empty chairs. Here's what happened (the stuff in parenthesis is non-verbal inner dialog):

OldGuy: Can I give you something to smile about from now til Christmas?
Me: (He seems harmless enough but with a statement like that things could get really creepy really fast) Sure, I would love to have something to smile about. I am sitting here with a broken phone.
OldGuy: Chuckle...Ok, pick a number between 1 and 10. Now don't tell me just keep it in your head.
Me: Ok, got it (7)
OldGuy: Now double that number
Me: (14)
OldGuy: Ok now add 4
Me: (18)
OldGuy: Now give me 1/2 of the total and you keep 1/2 of the total
Me: Ok...(9)
OldGuy: Ok now take your half and subtract your original number (9-7=2)
Me: Got it.
OldGuy: Now tell me, how many beautiful people are there in this conversation? (Eyes smiling)
Me: 2!!! There are 2 beautiful people. How did you DO that?!?
OldGuy: (Laughing) Everyone always knows what a frown is about but if you are always smiling then you keep 'em guessing.

My new friend then left to pay his phone bill. On his way out the door he walked by and grabbed my hand. He looked me right in the eye and said, "Remember, patience is a virtue." I thanked him for the smile and he left chuckling to himself.

How did he know I needed a smile AND some patience???

p.s. When I got back to work I tried the riddle with 2 other numbers and it still worked... :)

Counting the Days

We are still here... just little happening these days. We are actively counting down the days until the next big event - OUR COURT DATE!!

The night we found out about our court date I went home and spent way too much time making this.

I know it is a kindergarten-esk thing to do but I needed something visual to keep this process alive since our court date seemed (well, still seems) so far away. Each paper ring has the number of days left until December 31st and a verse written on it. Each night Brian and I take off a ring and read the verse together. It hangs from our curtain rod. It started out with a big pool on the floor but now it is already a couple inches off the ground!

We are down to DAYS!! Since there really won't be too much to blog about in the next month or so I decided I will tell the "Story of Us" so you all can know just how we got to be the almost family of three! Stay tuned...