8 Months Ago

8 months ago we met a screaming little boy. Our screaming little boy. Being home 8 months with Elias and being pregnant has me reflecting a lot on the concept of family and what it means to be a parent.

I have nothing profound to give you here...just my hormonally charged thoughts. 8 months ago I loved Elias Besufikad. From the moment I met him I felt like his mother. He was my son, no question. On that day I can honestly say I would have given my life for that little baby boy.

Now 8 months later the instinctive, protective mother's love I felt for Elias has grown into something deeper. I am in love with him. Madly in love with him. More than I thought possible for one person's heart to hold. Being a parent is about unconditional love and for the first time in my life I completely, 100% understand unconditional love. As a sinful human my son is bound to disappoint and hurt me at some point in our lives (and vice versa), probably on numerous occassions. Truly, nothing he could do would change the love I have for him. Being a family is about loving others more than you love yourself. There is certainly always room for improvement here but I hope I show my husband and son how much they really mean to me.

When we were considering adoption and talking to other adoptive parents something I heard on more than one occassion was that having both biological and adoptive children is different. The love is not less or more but it is different, your feelings toward the children are different. Now, I certainly would not pass judgement on those who were kind enough to be so incredibly honest with me. I understand that not every parent attaches easily to their children (regardless of biological or adoptive). When I was on the outside of things though these comments did create a genuine concern for me. I worried about what I would do if I felt differently toward our future children.

Now, as a mother the only feeling I have is that of a mother's love. I don't want to over simplify the attachment process or lead people to believe it always just comes as naturally as it did for me. I just know for me, the only small piece of this question and fear left in my head is can I love a second child as much as I do my first? Now if that was a true fear I wouldn't be pregnant now...it's more of a ponderance as I didn't know it was possible to love so much before Elias so how could my heart possibly love even more? I know it will. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that my love for my children won't feel different.

8 months later, now more than ever before, I am wholeheartedly convinced that blood has absolutely nothing to do with creating a family. I am so grateful for adoption because without it I wouldn't have my son. A son who could not by any biological means be any more mine than he is right now. I am excited for this pregnancy. I am excited about our next adoption. The bottom line is regardless of the road we take with each child, I am excited about my family!