4 Months

Elias is 4 months old today! So, here are 4 things we love about Elias...

1) We love that you love to cuddle! So far we have talked to 3 people who have met you and everyone says you LOVE to snuggle. We can't wait!! Your Daddy and I have already talked about how long it will be before we finally stop arguing about whose turn it is to hold you.

2) We love your precious lips! When they are fully revealed you have the perfect pucker. We talk often about how excited we are to give you some smoochin'. In a lot of your pictures your bottom lip is covered. We think maybe you might like to suck on your bottom lip. It is super cute!

3) We love your beautiful eyelashes. We just got pictures yesterday and they really show off some long full eyelashes. They make your DEEP brown eyes even more intoxicating!

4) We love your round face! Your Daddy is so excited that you "look like him!" I love both by boys and their big round heads :) I bought you some hats and now I am wondering if they will even fit. Hmmm...it is so hard to tell how big you are from pictures.

We got some updated photos of Elias B. yesterday. We were so excited!!! I cried a little. Our baby is changing so much! We are so happy that we can at least see these changes through ocassional photos. We still haven't seen him smile and I am dying to see what that face looks like all lit up! I can't post photos but what I can tell you is we are dealing with a serious CUTIE!!! There is absolutely no bias here...all will agree he is adorable!

Congratulations to Bethany, Kami, and Melissa who all got their travel dates! December 7th!! Michelle and Jana we are praying for sweet reunions with your little ones on Monday!

Calling All Elves

Thanks to the future Mimi we are having a fundraiser to help us put a dent in the estimated $3800 we are currently short for travel expenses. The fact that we have come this far in the adoption debt free still amazes us. Thank you to all of you who have supported us through prayers and financial gifts. We truly could not have done this without you! When we first contemplated this adoption Brian's biggest concern was finances and I told him we would just have to go on faith with this one. This was a temporary role reversal for us as normally I am the one worrying about money. Anyway, God did not let us down and we thank you who were a part of that. If you're feeling guilty because that sentence didn't apply to you, NOW is your chance to redeem yourself (just kidding!).

My Mom has organized a fundraiser for us on Saturday December 13th. We will be working a gift wrapping booth at Walmart on Los Coches from 8am-8pm. Our booth will be just outside the exit doors. Here's what you can do to help:

1) Donate Supplies

• wrapping paper
• ribbon
• bows
• tissue paper
• gift bags
• shirt boxes
• tape

2) Work a Shift - no you don't have to be an expert gift wrapper. A so-so wrapper will do. So don't let that be your excuse! We are talking about Walmart in East County people so I can't imagine expectations will be that high. I am kind of kidding :) If you are thinking about being offended, don't be. I shop there too.

3) Come by the booth and let us wrap your gifts! (Although for you we will be expert wrappers and not just so-so wrappers).

News

Well we received news of our court date, December 31st! What a way to end 2008 :) We definitely have mixed emotions. We got a little more detail as to what happened to our baby boy's paperwork. Apparently his paperwork had to be authenticated and this "just took longer" for our son than for others. We are trying not to dwell on the fact that it took a couple months longer and are working on being grateful for what we have: 1) paperwork that is in order and 2) a court date. Christmas will be difficult. We started this process in January specifically so we wouldn't be in the exact position we are in. We didn't want to know who our baby was and yet be separated for our first holiday. Unfortunately, each step of this process has taken quite a bit longer than anticipated. We are hoping that the end of December means a better chance of passing court the first time around. Right now it is really hit and miss with our agency. If we don't pass the first time we will be rescheduled. Since the Ethiopian Christmas is in the beginning of January, we were told a rescheduled court date may be 6-8 weeks out.

God has really been working on our hearts and minds during this time of waiting. We have learned more about what it means to truly rely on God. We have felt God nudging us toward a new life direction. We aren't quite ready to publicly share the details but we can see how God is using the adoption to help move us in a direction that He wants us to go. I know this sounds cryptic and we will share more once we have some confirmation one way or another. Right now we are moving along on life direction A. We have felt God calling us to follow life direction B (which happens to be everything opposite of the current direction A). If we pass court on December 31st, we can already see how that would be perfect timing for us to continue pursuing life direction B. If we don't pass court on December 31st, it will absolutely close the door on pursuing life direction B at this time. That might just mean we misunderstood God's timing or He has something totally different in mind and pursuing direction B was just preparation.

What we are sure of is God did not create us to let our passions go to waste. God has given Brian and I similar goals, desires and dreams. These are very specifically and uniquely ours. He did not create us to be typical but to be passionate and to act with purpose. We know that God has the next 3 months and 3 years of our lives planned out. Despite this predetermined nature, we are supposed to present our requests to God. Please help us pray that we pass court on December 31st. We would love nothing more than to become parents in 2008!! Please also pray that God continues to show us His plan for us. We are ready and excited for direction B but we want to have open hearts if God has something different in store for us.

Baby Showers

So this post is really over-due but here are the photos of our baby showers. We had a great time and are very thankful to everyone who came to help us celebrate. Mom, Aunt Tammy, and Emily thank you so much for putting it all together. I asked for beautiful and that's exactly what we got. We are blessed!

Photo Tag

So I was tagged by Michelle. I am supposed to post the 4th photo in the 4th file on my computer and tell the story behind it.This is Lido who used to be our cat. He is laying in the laundry basket in between the two seats of the moving truck. His "twin brother" Frisco was the A.D.D. one of the two and never lied calmly in the laundry basket. At the time this photo was taken, Frisco was probably climbing up the back of my seat or trying to jump on the Brian's lap. When we moved "home" from Washington DC in May 2006, we brought along our boys - Frisco and Lido. We created a cat haven for them in our car which we towed behind us. Their litter box, food dishes, water and lots of blankets were in the car. We cracked the windows, locked the doors and after a few hours of ear piercing shrills they seemed to actually like it. Once we hit Arizona the heat got to be too much and the kitties had to come into the moving truck cab with us where they could stick their faces in the air conditioning. Things got a little wild but all-in-all it wasn't so bad. After 6 months back in SD we were having major problems with the kitties :( Frisco broke through screens to go outside (which isn't allowed in our condo complex). He had a special friend even though he was supposedly fixed. He would run away when we opened the door and pound his head against the windows trying to get out at all times of the day or night. Shortly after they ruined our very first set of non-hand-me-down couches we decided maybe it would be best for all of us to be animal-less. So, our kitties were adopted out and we specifically asked for a nice home where they could be indoor/outdoor cats. We do miss cuddling with Lido (Frisco never could stand still long enough to let you pet him) but soon we will have a baby who can lay on Brian's belly and watch t.v. with us! Don't worry we won't adopt out our son if he ruins the furniture or tries to sneak out the window to meet with a mystery girlfriend.

I don't feel like posting links so if you want to be tagged consider it done!

Good Bye Emily and an update

Emily left today to spend a year of her life in Ethiopia. You can check out her blog here. I am so excited for her. She is going on her own as a volunteer but will be working with Celebrate Children International in their transition house for a few months. She will then be heading to a number of orphanages outside of Addis and staying at each for a few weeks or months. I have really loved having her home since she finished school and will miss her tons. I can't wait to hear all her stories though, and what God is doing in her life and in Ethiopia. (These pictures are from our graduation celebration NYC trip a couple weeks ago. And yes, the unrecognizable dark blob to the left of my Mom's banana split really is Sandra Bullock (gasp!).News on the adoption front:
I spoke with our case manager yesterday and was told she has not yet been able to get ahold of the HH director but is hoping to touch base today. We should hear more details as to what is going on with our case and what is being done to fix the problems by the end of the week. We have also learned that the previous photo misunderstanding may, in fact, be correct and all of us are more or less waiting for confirmation that other traveling families will no longer be allowed to take photos for us. I have not lost all hope yet as we haven't heard any of this from AGCI directly but we are fairly certain this will be the case. Since AGCI doesn't do child updates or photos until just weeks before travel this could mean an even more difficult next few months. We will see. We were very blessed though to hear from 2 families who traveled about our baby boy. Here is what we heard:

Hey Autumn, I held your little one in Ethiopia! He is so sweet and so very small still. He is getting better head control and loves to be held. He did NOT appreciate being put down :) He just stares into your eyes and is waiting for you to snuggle and hold him! It was such a pleasure to see him. He still looks like the picture you have just a little more filled out with a slightly rounder face. Sorry I was not able to take pics... Thank you again for the honor of holding your baby! -Connie

I did get to see B. He seemed really little and is super cute! I saw him outside in the courtyard the last day (Doug escorted us over). Most of the time he was sleeping, but he seemed like a very content and happy baby when he woke up. -Kendra

Thank you so much Connie and Kendra for taking notes on Elias B. These few sentences are so helpful during this temporary separation. After reading these updates Brian let me know he is ready to snuggle!

Prayers and Praises

Congratulations Cosgrove Family on bringing Maleia home! Their homecoming video is great! Congratulations to Michelle & Michael and Jana & Rob who all legally became parents (again) on 11/3! They will be traveling in a matter of days. CB & Shannon, Melissa, Kami & Eddie, and Bethany & Aaron we are praying for favorable outcomes for your court cases this week.

Brokenness

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalms 51:17

I haven't written the past couple days despite the fact there has been so much going on. I decided to act on the advice, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." It is time though to share what has been happening, express my feelings and let you know of our need for prayer. Last Wednesday Brian spoke to Christy to talk about the changes in the court process. She didn't know the specifics of where our case stood which worried us since others were being given specific court dates and information. We finally connected this Tuesday only to hear that there was information for all the families whose papers had been submitted for a court date and ours was mysteriously missing. After explaining how desperate we were for answers Christy promised she would do some investigating. The possibilities included the following: 1) We had already had a court date, had failed, and our rescheduled court date was not yet known; 2) We had a court date sometime soon (like others who received referrals around the same time we did) but we were accidentally left off the list; 3) Maybe our file had been misplaced and we had not yet been assigned a court date. Surprisingly I faced these possibilities with relative peace, at least for a few hours.

The reality that something bad could have happened really set in on Wednesday. This was coupled with a misunderstanding that maybe we wouldn't be getting pictures (like I said a misunderstanding, which has since been corrected) but the combination was enough to send me into a tailspin. I couldn't stop crying and skipped youth group for fear that well meaning people who love us might ask about the adoption. After sobbing and praying until I couldn't think anymore I dealt with it like most people would. I put on some sweats, took medicine for the pounding headache, and ate a dinner consisting solely of tater tots, jalapeno poppers, starbursts and wine. My face was puffy so I washed off the makeup only to see blemishes that weren't there that morning. I don't know what it is about raging hormones and zits but when my emotions are going berserk that is the last thing I want to see. I forced myself to calm down and watched a cheesy 80s movie with Julia Roberts. It was exactly what I needed. When Brian came home he sat next to me and asked how I was doing. I said, "better." As he got up to go do something else I lost it. My lip started quivering, I had to blink really fast to keep from crying again, and grabbed him begging him not to leave. Geez, the poor guy just wanted off the couch.

Thursday was rougher. I reached a place of complete brokenness. I was angry and sad. As I was driving home I heard over the radio "Just trust God. Forget the fleeting, forget the things you can't control. Just trust in God." And then this song came on and I felt it expressed me so much more than I could express myself.

I’m not alright

I’m broken inside, broken inside

And all I go through

It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride

Bring me to my weakness

Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when I’m open wide

With nothing left to cling to

Only you are there to lead me on

Cause honestly, I’m not that strong

I’m not alright

I’m broken inside, broken inside

And all I go through

It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Brokenness before God is not a fun place to be. I found myself crying, praying, listening, and just being - completely humbled by such overwhelming heartache and fear of the unknown. I have certainly learned adoption is not for the faint of heart. I also know that my God will never ask me to do that which is more than I can handle because He will not leave me.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 34:18

Maybe God just knew I needed something to bring me to a point of complete surrender and brokenness of spirit. I won't pretend to know why but what I can cling to is the promise of scripture.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Today we found out a little information as to what happened to our case. It was not what we wanted to hear.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:19

Although we were told a few times that our paperwork had been submitted to the courts as soon as they opened, the reality of the situation is quite different. Although our file is in order, our son's is not. His paperwork was done incorrectly and has not yet been fixed. What this means is our paperwork has not been submitted to the courts yet and we have not yet been assigned a court date. At this point it is unknown when the corrections will be made as it rests in hands outside of our agency. It is therefore unknown when our paperwork will be submitted. What we do know is the courts are already booked until the end of December. So best case scenario, if the social worker in charge of the corrections gets them done quickly and our paperwork is submitted soon, we are looking at a court date in January and travel late January or February. This best case scenario seems doubtful as it has already been 2 months since our referral that our son's paperwork could have been being corrected. There are also any number of things that could keep us from passing court our first time around.

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord. Proverbs 21:30

We love Elias and we want him to be with us so badly. We must also remember that he is God's child first and God loves him more than even we are capable of. Please pray that the corrections would be made soon, that our agency would be diligent in their follow up, that we will be assigned a court date soon, and that we pass the first time around. We know God's timing will be perfect. We are trying to focus on this but find ourselves speculating at what could possibly be God's reason to have this delay happen to us. Unfortunately, peace comes and goes in fleeting moments and brokenness and despair can often cloud our optimism. We are doing what we can to trust but our hearts are so involved; it is hard to have the faith of a child when every human urge is to cry out asking "why?"

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait on Him.' Lamentations 3:22

Change

Sometimes change is good but it can be hard to accept. We are currently in the middle of a big change in the Ethiopian court process. A new step has been added and all paperwork is now being reviewed by an additional entity. We have been told that this new step will add time to our adoption. Unfortunately that is all we know. The time frame is uncertain. This additional step is aimed at ensuring the legality of adoptions and trying to keep children with living biological parents if at all possible. We anticipate hearing more details soon (rumor tells me we might even be allowed to know our court date). For now it feels as though all we can do is pray. I have been praying that we pass the first time around, whenever that might be, as we want our baby boy home as soon as possible. We have also been praying for the other families in similar situations to ours and hope they hear good news soon so children can be united with the families that love them so much.