Hodgkins Lymphoma

Last week I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This is a cancer of the lymphnodes. I have numerous masses in my neck and chest. Hodgkin's in common in people in their 20s and 30s. Obviously for anyone in that age range being diagnosed with cancer is a complete shock and something you never think will happen to you. It is especially true for me as no one in my family has ever had cancer.

Hodgkin's is curable but you do have to be aggressive in treatment. The typical treatment regiment is 4-6 months of intensive chemotherapy (given every 2 weeks via IV at the hospital) and radiation. My situation is a little bit different though. I am 15 weeks pregnant. Many of the normal medications they would have given to me, the normal scans they would have done, and the normal treatment are all complicated by the fact that there is another life involved in this journey.

We feel so blessed that God allowed us to conceive when He did as chemotherapy can often make people sterile. We are also blessed by the fact that God has brought Dr.'s into our lives who are willing to fight to keep us both safe, something not all Dr.'s would do. Finally we are feeling blessed that God prevented us from moving to Ethiopia this summer to serve on the mission field as that would have meant a far longer journey to diagnosis and also that we would have been apart from our families during this time when we all really need eachother.

So, how are we doing? This has been really tough on my family. It has been hard for my parents, siblings, extended family, and especially hard for my husband. Children are very aware when things are not completely right but I am happy that so far Elias has been affected very little by all of this. He still tackles his Mommy, expects me lug all 28ish pounds of him around, and generally has no idea anything is wrong. I am happy that he will have no memory of all of this except for what we choose to share with him later in life. I am ok. And that's not just some lame answer...I am truly doing okay with all of this.

We had one biopsy done that came back "very suspicious" for Hodgkin's. It then took 8 more days and another biopsy to get the confirmed diagnosis. During that time I had my melt downs. The wait was awful. To know you probably have cancer but not be able to do anything about it because it isn't for sure - that was the WORST. Since the diagnosis I have been relieved. We can fight now. We can get treatment now. We can start taking the road that will put all of this behind us.

I'm sure I'll have my bad days but for now God is keeping me strong. He is keeping me happy. He is keeping His purpose in my mind at all times. I have a personal goal...to walk in to every appointment with a smile and walk out of every appointment with a smile. It isn't going to be easy but if I can manage that then people will SEE a difference in my life and I hope that someone or many people will be able to see a little bit of Jesus in me. Now once I get to the car I start venting to my Mom or Brian :) but I want the people who don't know me to see the hope and joy that I truly have in this situation - the hope and joy that can only come through knowing Jesus.

What happens next? I have weekly appointments with the oncologist, weekly blood work, and many appointments with different specialists in between. I am still working (for now). I can still take care of my child (although I get very very tired). I can still live normally. The frustrating part for me is because this is a "rare" disease (12,000 people per year) and because it is especially "rare" to be pregnant during Hodgkin's (published research is on only a couple of dozen cases worldwide) - the story of what comes next is always changing. On 10/22 I was diagnosed. On 10/22 I was told chemo would start next week. 5 days later I was told no chemo yet. In the meantime my sister bought a one way ticket home from Ethiopia because the plan was for her to come home once chemo started because we would really need her. On Tuesday I was told I would be starting a steroid this week...still no steroid. That's the frustrating part for me. I get mentally prepared for something and then it changes. And then it happens all over again. But the reason why it is always changing is because the Dr.'s want to do as little possible for as long as possible to keep my child alive and safe - how can I be mad about that? I'm a planner. I'm not so good with rolling with the punches. But really that is what the next year of my life is going to be. We will most likely start a low dose chemo soon. Once the baby is delivered I will most likely then need to have the full Hodgkin's regiment (4-6 months intensive chemo)..

This is very private for our family and very serious. Unfortunately what we are finding is that people like to gossip. Human nature feeds off of "big news" like this. Many people have taken liberties in sharing our very private news with many people. Some people have even taken liberties and shared this news on Facebook. To us its unbelievable because its so personal and deeply private. But since sometimes people let us down we figured we wanted the people we know and love to hear it from us first. So if it's going to be out there either way we would rather it come from us.

We appreciate all the love and support we have received.

Love,
Autumn (and Brian)

We have created a private blog to keep family and friends up to date. If you would like access you can email me privately for permission at autumn underscore gossett at yahoo dot com.