it doesn't get much better

Yesterday we spent the day at Disneyland. We had an awesome time celebrating Alemu's birthday. (more pictures to come). For the first time I actually heard my son squeal with delight. We were walking and all of the sudden Elias let out a high pitch scream and pointed to a giant bouquet of balloons. This was after earlier in the day when he had tried to take a balloon off another kid's stroller.

My son was so happy and excited. He really really wanted a balloon. So like a good Mommy at a magical place like Disneyland I walked over to buy him one. Then I saw it. The sign that said,

"BALLOONS $12"

As Israel would say, "WHAT ZA HECK!" $12 for a balloon. Technically I guess it was 2 balloons because it was a Mickey balloon inside another balloon. Anyway, the worst part is I actually still considered buying it for him. The good news is, Brian had all the money.


Today is Monday which is Elias' day with his Papi. Here is the picture I saw while at work. He got a balloon after all.

It doesn't get much better than a little boy and his balloon.

Baby #2

Well, as it turns out baby #2 really does exist. When the nausea faded (yeah!) about 2 weeks earlier than "normal" I was a little worried. Then I started having nightmares that we went to the ultrasound and they couldn't find a heartbeat. This started happening after the appointment with my midwife when she tried and couldn't find one. Despite her telling me there would almost certainly not be anything it was still a not so fun feeling to actually not hear anything. I'm still a couple pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight despite having an appetite back for 2 weeks now and being 12 weeks along. All this to say I had my doubts and concerns.

Yesterday all those went away when we saw our baby! We saw fingers and toes, the spinal cord and umbilical cord. We heard the very strong and fast heartbeat. We saw the baby completely flip over when I coughed. We also got to see some waving and kicking. Now, after many weeks of knowing in my head I was pregnant I actually, really believe it.

Elias wasn't so thrilled with Mommy being on a table while some man messed with her belly button (which just so happens to be his favorite part of me...and everyone else). He was whiny and uncomfortable with all the new stuff.

There are times I look at him and he seems so big. In the past couple days he has decided that he will only eat if he does it 100% by himself, with utensils. When he wants a bottle he walks to the fridge and then takes his bottle and walks to the rocking chair to let me know he is ready to rock. He no longer tolerates being carried from the car to the house unless he is completely exhausted. He wants to put his own dirty dishes on the kitchen counter and throws a fit if we try to help him. At 14 months old he is an iPhone genius. His Grandma taught him to scroll through the pictures which he does brilliantly. Physically, he looks big too...he towers over kids who are older than him, and in many cases says more words than these other kiddos.

Then at other times, like yesterday when he wanted his Mommy to hold him as I was laying on the table for the ultrasound he still seems like my little baby. He stroked/played with my hair as we walked to the car. He does this when he is trying to comfort me. ***Side note: how do I know this? Because sometimes I fake cry so he will come over and play with my hair and give me kisses. I totally suck, I know. It's horrible to deceive a baby, right? But his kisses are SO worth it. They aren't the open mouth baby kisses anymore. Now they are closed lipped, still slobbery big boy kisses but they are just as good.

He's going to be such a great big brother!

8 Months Ago

8 months ago we met a screaming little boy. Our screaming little boy. Being home 8 months with Elias and being pregnant has me reflecting a lot on the concept of family and what it means to be a parent.

I have nothing profound to give you here...just my hormonally charged thoughts. 8 months ago I loved Elias Besufikad. From the moment I met him I felt like his mother. He was my son, no question. On that day I can honestly say I would have given my life for that little baby boy.

Now 8 months later the instinctive, protective mother's love I felt for Elias has grown into something deeper. I am in love with him. Madly in love with him. More than I thought possible for one person's heart to hold. Being a parent is about unconditional love and for the first time in my life I completely, 100% understand unconditional love. As a sinful human my son is bound to disappoint and hurt me at some point in our lives (and vice versa), probably on numerous occassions. Truly, nothing he could do would change the love I have for him. Being a family is about loving others more than you love yourself. There is certainly always room for improvement here but I hope I show my husband and son how much they really mean to me.

When we were considering adoption and talking to other adoptive parents something I heard on more than one occassion was that having both biological and adoptive children is different. The love is not less or more but it is different, your feelings toward the children are different. Now, I certainly would not pass judgement on those who were kind enough to be so incredibly honest with me. I understand that not every parent attaches easily to their children (regardless of biological or adoptive). When I was on the outside of things though these comments did create a genuine concern for me. I worried about what I would do if I felt differently toward our future children.

Now, as a mother the only feeling I have is that of a mother's love. I don't want to over simplify the attachment process or lead people to believe it always just comes as naturally as it did for me. I just know for me, the only small piece of this question and fear left in my head is can I love a second child as much as I do my first? Now if that was a true fear I wouldn't be pregnant now...it's more of a ponderance as I didn't know it was possible to love so much before Elias so how could my heart possibly love even more? I know it will. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that my love for my children won't feel different.

8 months later, now more than ever before, I am wholeheartedly convinced that blood has absolutely nothing to do with creating a family. I am so grateful for adoption because without it I wouldn't have my son. A son who could not by any biological means be any more mine than he is right now. I am excited for this pregnancy. I am excited about our next adoption. The bottom line is regardless of the road we take with each child, I am excited about my family!

14 Months

So Elias turned 14 months old (earlier this week...I'm a bit behind). He is such a joy. He certainly keeps us busy. Although he is learning new words often, we are starting to hit a wall in our ability to communicate which has led to a sudden increase of whining and temper tantrums - from the baby mostly but sometimes from me too.

At 14 months Elias is all about one thing and one thing only. ELMO. Elmo is spoken of often by Elias. In fact, Elmo is now his clearest word. All things red invoke cries of "Elmo, Elmo" out of this cute little Elmo obsessed boy. His Mimi bought him an Elmo blanket. Elias does a running dive into the Elmo blanket where he collapses into shouts of glee proclaiming his love for Elmo and smothering the furry blanket replica with kisses. He then expects Mimi, Mommy, Papi, Daddy or whoever else is around to also kiss Elmo. A couple days ago at Seaworld his great Aunt Tammy bought him his favorite Elmo yet. Here he is holding Elmo while watching Elmo. Does it get any cuter?

Of course we can't forget to makeout with Elmo whenever possible!

Man, being a kid is exhausting!


Elias has also learned to respond to burps (especially his own) with "grow" (gross). Apparently I tell him burps are gross often enough that he picked up on it.

He has also started to learn the parts of the body. He started to become fascinated with bellys and belly buttons. Elias will walk up to anyone and everyone, lift up their shirt and point to their belly button. When we were in Tahiti his Mimi taught him the word belly button so now if you ask him where his is or where yours is he will show you. He is pretty good with pointing out his nose but the other body parts are still a bit jumbled.

He has 6 teeth which are super cute and make him look so big!

Elias still loves to read. His favorites right now are
He also still loves all things water
Elias is so much fun and we are loving being a part of all he is learning and doing!

Great News!

God is so good! We just know Elias is going to be an awesome big brother! We can't wait to welcome "Baby G" into the world sometime on or around April 23rd! We are 10 weeks along. Yes, I've been feeling sick. Nope, no baby bump...although it would be nice because that would mean the nausea would have subsided enough for me to actually eat :) We are so blessed!

Referral Day

One Year Ago Today

We got the call that would change our lives forever!