Mother's Day

Yesterday was a fun day for me thinking about how next year everything will be different. When I woke up, the first thing I thought about was how next Mother's Day, we will for sure have our baby, meaning I will be a mother. What a crazy and foreign thought. Most of the time I feel as far away from being a mother as I always have. It is just a distant thought, nothing that relates to me at this time. Sure we are waiting for our baby but I certainly don't feel like a Mom because technically I am not. Maybe if I had a child growing in my stomach the feeling on impending motherhood would seem a little more realistic. It was very weird having people tell me throughout the day, "Next year you'll be a Mom" or "This is the last year of your life that you will ever NOT be a Mom on Mother's Day" or even, "Happy Mother's Day." It all seems so far away. I caught myself saying, "Thanks, I BETTER be a Mom by next Mother's Day."

With still NO referrals of boys, girls, or siblings for the Ethiopia program (lameo-blameo) I am losing confidence that this is going to happen anytime soon. A month ago I would tell everyone who asked the famous WHEN question, "well... pray for a fast referral and travel before the courts close. It will be a miracle, but..." More recently I would say, "Probably October or Novemeber, but for SURE by Christmas." Yesterday, I was saying "It better be by next mother's day or I am going to be MAD."

I always felt like this had to come. Sooner or later there was going to be a point that our adoption would not go as smoothly as planned. It is inevitable. I doubt there has ever been a single adoption in the entire world that has gone PERFECTLY according to the adoptive parent's plan. I know this because of all the blogs I read and "Adoption Stories" on Discovery channel that I watch (thanks, DVR). It just doesn't happen. So, when we were told we had the "FASTEST ADOPTION RECORD EVER" with our agency (that statement, as exciting as it was to hear, felt like a big old JYNX) I knew something HAD to go wrong. I was actually hoping that our disappointment would come sometime sooner rather than later and that we didn't leave that "inevitable kink" for our court date or something really important like that. Even though I am getting what I wished for in my ultimate PLAN B (my ultimate PLAN A would be to have the only perfect adoption in the world to date :) and ultimate PLAN B have the kinks now rather than later), I still can't help but be disappointed that AS SOON as we got on THE LIST, it STOPS MOVING. Darn. Seriously, LAME.

Our agency promised that referrals would be coming sometime this month. I don't know how times flies so quickly (except that we are always SO BUSY) but we are already a good 2 weeks into this month. That said, the referrals HAVE to come SOON. So, hurry up referrals, we are WAITING (not so patiently any more, actually, in complete honesty, getting a little ticked off).

Ok, I purposefully thought I wanted to blog my feeling about yesterday but didn't want to be a big giant whiner. I think it's important to share exactly how I am feeling because that's what I wanted this blog to be - a reflection of our adoption process, the good, bad, ugly, and WONDERFUL GRAND FINALE! We're in a slump here but there are so many fun things to think about during this slump. Like the fact that our baby boy is MOST LIKELY alive and living in ETHIOPIA. CRAZY. I am technically not a mother, and I don't feel like anyone's Mother, but OUR BABY is somewhere out there in this big world and God has the perfect plan to bring us all together. It will happen - FOR SURE by next Mother's DAY :)

***Thanks Anthony for the baby bottle. Maybe someday you will get your own blog post, but for now, you get your 2 sentences of fame!