Separation Anxiety

I made a big mistake. When we met with our social worker a couple weeks ago I told her we felt our bonding was going really great but I had just one wish. I wished that Elias would show a little bit more distinction toward me. Elias obviously prefers me to strangers but around other family whom he was comfortable with I didn't feel like he showed a preference toward me. Lesson learned - be careful what you wish for.

My poor little guy has been experiencing some severe separation anxiety for the past couple weeks. He is one smart kid and he caught on to my M,W,F morning routine and he knows it ends with me walking out the door. I get him from his crib, change him, and go stick him in bed with Daddy while I finish getting ready. As soon as we come near the bed he starts crying. Not just a small whimper but a heartbroken cry with big tears to go along with it. The second I pick him up he stops. It has been torture walking out that door while Elias sits with his Dad crying and holding his chubby little arms out begging for me to come back. It's also not any easier then the first morning it happened. Since this started happening Elias has been much more clingy than usual. He fusses when I leave the room. If he can't see me and I'm not talking to him his fuss turns into a wail.

I wanted to give an update on our bonding/attachment. I know it is different for everyone but I wanted to honestly share how we are doing. We are completely smitten and more in love than I thought possible. Truly, our experience has been beyond easy. Well before we left for Ethiopia I loved Elias. I did have doubts as to how I would feel about him when I saw him in person. Not doubts about loving him but I wondered if it would feel like he was my son right from the start or if it would feel more like babysitting.

From the second we laid eyes on that screaming baby I was overwhelmed with love, pride, and a feeling of protection. Immediately I felt possessive of my baby boy. This was my son and I didn't care if he screamed for the next 18 years - I wanted to be holding him and trying my best to comfort him. Almaz was shocked and pleased with the reaction Brian and I had in a difficult situation but we just couldn't deny the feeling of an immediate connection. We had a rough couple days with Elias but there was never a second that I felt distant from him. Even when I realized I didn't know how best to comfort my sick child, he truly felt like my child.

Throughout the adoption process I never really felt like an expecting mother. It was distant and always seemed so far away. Once we saw Elias' photo we started the process of connecting. The second I saw him in person I immediately felt like a mother - his mother. It was as if my heart knew that well before the beginning of time we were meant to be together. Elias fits beautifully into our family. Brian and I are constantly awed at the vastness of the feelings we have for him and the sense that we have always been together.

Psalm 127:3 "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him."