We Heard Beautiful Boy Today

Did your heart just jump out of your chest reading that? Mine did when I heard my phone playing "Beautiful Boy" this morning! My Mom and my sister (who I work with) came running out to my desk. What did they see? A girl who was about to cry tears that were not the much anticipated tears of joy. Instead they saw the watery eyes, lump in the throat, shaking the head "no" look of a false alarm.

Here I must apologize to all my faithful blog readers. That was mean wasn't it? Well, now you know how I feel. Bad attitude, right? Yes, I know that sounded like the attitude of a four year old stomping her foot and slamming the door while sticking out her tongue saying "neener neener" but that is how I am feeling. It is mean to put anyone through the butterflies in the stomach that you feel when reading someone's blog and hear that they got THE CALL. It sucks even worse to hear your phone ring and think this could be MY CALL and to have it be a false alarm.

Christy was calling to tell me about some changes in the waitlist procedure. I had heard about this change so it wasn't a surprise and had seen the warning in the bi-weekly update on Friday that everyone would be receiving phone calls. So, I knew there was a good chance that I would get a call without it being THE CALL. Unfortunatley, even knowing that was probably going to happen today, I was still unable to prepare myself for the way a false alarm made me feel.

Since being unofficially #1, I have received 2 false alarm phone calls. I certainly can't complain that our agency is mean or lacks in communication. The phone calls are all very nice and caring and kind but e-mails would be so much easier to handle than phone calls while hanging out at #1. When asked if I had any questions I said, "well since you are calling me now I assume you won't be calling me later today with a referral." A polite "no, we don't have anything for you yet" was the reply. At least I know it still won't be anytime soon and can try to mentally prepare. I was really hoping for a referral before the next travel group. Now I am thinking maybe Almaz is still so bogged down with trying to get families through court that she won't be giving out any new information on children until the courts officially close (Aug 1) and this next travel group has come and gone.

I know God's timing is perfect so I will wait and try to do so with a good attitude. I just wish I had a better idea of when it is going to happen. Last night I opened my Bible and it happened to fall to Ecclesiates. I saw some underlines and read about there being a "time for everything." God's timing will be just right, but I don't think it's out of line to ask for no more false alarms along the way :).