Everyone asks me if I'm nervous. I say, "no, not nervous. Just excited." Then I hear things like, "yeah, right." No REALLY - I'm NOT nervous. Just EXCITED. Ask me on the plane ride over...maybe then I will be nervous. Who knows? Maybe not.
I do have a worry. I must confess. For all of those who have been talking to me the past few weeks you are probably sick of hearing about this but I am worried Elias will be sick or will get sick. I know there is no point in worrying. I know there is nothing I can do about it if he is sick but try my best to get through it. Here's the deal. I feel confident in my ability to care for a baby. Especially a baby who by all accounts is happy as long as he is being held. Now my arms might fall off holding our 18 lb. chunkster all the time BUT if he just wants to be held and loved on then we've got this in the bag. Diapers, bottles, piece of cake. Plane ride home makes me a little scared but recently I have been going with the attitude we will do our best and if our best isn't good enough at least we will never ever see anyone on the flight ever again!
However, throw a sick baby into the mix and I will be hit hard with the fact that although he is ours, we don't know him. We don't know what makes him feel better when he is sick. He doesn't know us so we won't be any comfort to him. For some reason being sick goes beyond the physical for me - I guess the thought of him being sick and my fear that I won't know how to make him feel better hits the deeper issue that although his name is Besufikad Brian Gossett, he is a stranger to everything but our hearts. In our hearts we know him but we know nothing about the real physical baby. We don't know what makes him smile, giggle, cry - he is a stranger.
I want him to know I am his mom. I want to be able to pick MY son out of a crowd. I want to understand what makes Elias happy. I want to feel like his mom. It will come. I know it will. I also know it will take time... That said, how can you prepare your heart after waiting and dreaming for so long that on the day you meet the REAL LIVE BABY he will be a stranger?
2 days, 3 nights - WE'RE COMING ELIAS!!!!!!!!
12 comments:
Oh Autumn. Nothing really comforts a sick baby. One you have given birth too or one you just were blessed with bringing home. Nothing but love, and holding :) Been there. Sadly your little guy may get sick once home. Most babies do. I think from stress..they get run down. No fault of anyone just a fact. They are going thru SO MUCH! I cant imagine what they must think!! Isabella was sick about every 2 weeks for a few months when she came home. Ear infections, bronchitus, rosela (sp?) Fifths disease, colds, you get the idea :) but it gives you more reasons to love and care for them which helps your bonding. They learn fast that you love them and are there for them. I am soooooo happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS!!! Maria
Ahhhhhhh...I'm screaming excited for you! I'll be praying for you guys.
it's new for all us...so you aren't alone! Praying for you trip and for everyone's health!
i'm counting down and praying you through the days!! thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey!
ILOVEYOU!!
can't wait to meet elias (on here!) and hear all about your trip. and trust me, sometimes having a sick baby just makes you both love each other more. you b/c you're worried about them, and them b/c you're taking care of them when they need it most. i'm sure he will be fine and it won't take long for him to know you...i think it's a "God thing" that none of us could ever put into words:)
i'll be thinking of you and praying for you!
WooooHooooo!!!!! Soon you will feel what it's like to hold YOUR CHILD!!! I have tears in my eyes for you!!!! I can't wait!
Michelle
www.mfamilyblog.blogspot.com
What excitement. Autumn, Elias will know you as his mom very quickly and you have a lifetime for that relationsip to forever develop and grow.
We are praying for a safe a joyous trip for all three of you. May God be with you and lay his protective hands upon you through this entire miraculous journey.
Roger and Patti in NH
Autumn,
Praying for you!
Sunday
I'm excited for you!!! Saying lots of prayers that Elias is healthy and the flight home is a piece of cake! :)
Dawn
When we went to get Emma I worried about the same thing. I wanted to make sure I was prepared for anything so I filled my bag with any kind of "medicne" I could think of. She did end up being a little congested (mainly from the air conditioning)but the only thing I used from my stash was the saline and the nose sucker thing. So fill your bag with all you can (it'll make you feel better), say a prayer and just go with the flow. You'll be doing that for the rest of your life so you might as well start now.
Angie
PS I'd recommend the medicne travel kit from Babies R Us..it has a little of everything such as grip water, saline, etc.
I am so excited for you!!!! Still wish I could get to meet you :(...give our little guy a hug for us. I'll be praying for you!!! Love...Shannon
I had the experience of taking care of a 12 year old orphan that had surgery. We hardly knew each other, but taking care of him when he was not feeling well did bring us close. I think if Elias gets sick, it will be a perfect time for him to see you loving on him and taking care of him as his mommy.
That being said, I hope he stays well anyway. :)
Amanda
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